Many women bemoan the idea that the “good guys are all married or gay.” The problem is that many of these women wouldn’t know how to spot a good guy if he was asking her out and she wouldn’t know how to treat him if she did end up on a date with him.
Yep. Too many women miss the boat with all of their “rules” about dating. Most of these “rules” boil down to “play with his head.” Men flat out don’t like game players. Instead of playing games, be straightforward about what you hope to accomplish with dating.
So, this report doesn’t give you any “rules.” Instead, I outline 20 tips for you to follow to develop the healthy, loving relationship you crave. You are much more likely to end up in a happy long term relationship if you follow the tips in this report rather than some game playing “rules” you read to mess with his mind.
Tip No. 1: Write out a description of the perfect guy.
You can be haphazard about the kind of guy you meet and you might get lucky. Or, you might spend many nights alone. It’s a matter of random chance.
But, if you want more control over your dating future, I suggest that you start getting ready for the challenge.
Sit down and write out a description of the kind of guy you want to spend your life with. This should be the man of your dreams, your soul mate, and the father of your children. He should fulfill your sexual, emotional, and spiritual needs.
Now, ask yourself, “is this the kind of guy I’m dating?”
If you are not going out with the kind of man you see in your future, you have a problem.
Too many women date “bad boys” when they say all they want is a “good guy.” You can’t have both. When you’re ready to get serious about dating, you’ll put your eyes on the prize and find the kind of man that you would be happy settling down with.
Tip No. 2: Become the Woman Your Dream Guy Desire
Once you have figured out who your dream guy is, you have to figure out what kind of woman he wants.
You can start working on the areas of your life which need improvement. For instance:
- Could you stand to lose 5 pounds or get in shape? Now is the time.
- Would a more attractive hairstyle or hair color make you more appealing to dream guy? Invest in a good cut.
- Are there parts of your personality that could use some improving? Try whining less or having a sunnier disposition.
According to an article on divinecaroline.com, the five things guys DON”T want in a girl are:
- A smoker
- Emotionally Needy or Dependent
- Under Confident
- Financially Needy
So, if you have any of those issues, you should do some work on yourself before you set out to find your dream man.
Let’s say you find a guy who comes pretty close to fulfilling your dream man description (nobody’s perfect), what are some of the things you have to do to make him fall in love with you?
As you begin to work on the issues you have, you will make yourself more attractive to the guy you really want to be with.
Once you have hooked up with someone who may very well be your dream guy, there are some things you need to do to keep him. We’ll start with the tings to do and not to do on your early dates.
Tip No. 3: Don’t Talk About Your Ex’s
Don’t talk about your ex boyfriends or ex husband early on in a relationship. Talking about your ex shows that you don’t have peace with your past. Your date may start to wonder whether you would really rather be with the old guy. The new guy wants you to concentrate on him and on the future not on a different guy and on the past.
When you talk about your ex, you are probably bringing up negative things as well. Your date wants to be with a positive person. He may also wonder what you are going to be saying about him in the future if you are talking about an ex that way.
You shouldn’t give your date any reason to compare himself to your ex. Even if the comparison makes your date look good, it is a terrible idea to bring up old beaus. If your date asks about your exes, say something nice and move on.
Similarly, if you are dating other guys, don’t bring them up at all.
During the time you spend with your date, he should be the only man in the picture. In fact, you should limit talk about even the non-romantic men in your life such as your father so that he doesn’t feel a need to compare himself against any other male.
As you focus your attention on your date, he will start to live up to the picture you have of the man of your dreams.
Tip No. 4: Don’t Trap Him With Talk About the Future
The topic of other men is not the only thing you should avoid on a first date. You also don’t want to trap him into thinking about your future coupledom too early in the relationship. A guy needs time to get comfortable with you before he starts thinking seriously about the future. You want him to fall in love with you. You want future commitments to be his idea not something you have nagged him into.
While he may be thinking about tomorrow, he’s not thinking about a lifetime commitment. So, don’t talk about marriage or children on the first few dates. Let him get to know you and love you first.
If he brings up marriage or children, be deliberately vague. Say that you would like to be married and have children one day, but don’t imply that you are racing down the aisle.
In “Baby Mama” Tina Fey’s character spills her guts on careers, marriage, and babies in the first 10 minutes of the movie. It made for a hilarious scene in a movie, but it kills a budding relationship in real life.
When you are on a date with a guy who you are just getting to know, live in the present and be a positive person.
Tip No. 5: Be Yourself
Be yourself. You’re not qualified to be anyone else. Seriously, if you put on a façade to attract a man, you won’t be able to keep it up over the long haul. So be yourself from the beginning.
In order to fulfill this tip, you have to know who you are first. That means that you have to have a clear vision of the image you want to project. It also means not being a slave to trends that don’t feel comfortable.
You also need to stop reacting to all of the images that guys want to project onto you. Sometimes a guy will say that he likes girls that have a good sense of humor and their date will immediately try to come up with funny jokes. Instead of trying to impress him with the woman he thinks he wants, impress him with the woman that you are.
It is good to relax on a date. He’ll sense your confidence and appreciate it.
You might have flaws that you are working to correct or things about yourself that you are changing – and this self improvement is a good thing. But, when you are on a date, being yourself is the most important thing.
Tip No. 6: Have Opinions
This is an extension of tip no. 5. You are allowed to have your own opinions. Only cavemen think you should agree with them on everything, and who wants to be drug by her hair back to a Neanderthal’s cave?
You are far more interesting if you have opinions of your own and don’t just agree with him on everything. Besides, if he can’t handle your opinions now, what makes you think he will be able to in the future?
Part of having opinions means having a wide array of interests. While you may not have an opinion of the local team’s quarterback or the best screwdriver, it is good to know something about a lot of different things.
Start developing a broad education. That means stretching yourself in what you read. So, look beyond the front page and the advice columns in the newspaper. If you are in the dating scene, it may behoove you to read the sports section.
When you notice that several of the guys you are attracted to share a hobby, it may be a good thing to do some background reading about it. You don’t need to become an expert golfer, but knowing something about the subject may help you get ahead with these guys.
So, it is good to have an opinion and it is good to have knowledge about a wide range of subjects.
Tip No. 7: Be Confident – Even If You Have to Fake It
One of the things that is okay to fake on early dates is confidence. The fact is that you will be able to grow into your confidence and continue to be confident once you have secured his love.
If you need help developing your confidence, make a list of everything you are good at. If you only have a few things on the list, think harder. Don’t worry if other people (especially guys) don’t seem to value the things that you are good at. List them anyway.
Focus in on the things you are passionate about. When you have a grand passion in life, you become more confident. Whether you love ballet, politics, or knitting, the things that you are passionate about make you more confident.
Find a role model and emulate her. This can be someone you know or a public or historical figure. You are obviously attracted to her, in part, because she had the confidence to be great at something.
Don’t focus on yourself and the mistakes you make. Instead, focus on other people (including your date) and how to make them happy. As you take the focus away from yourself, you will find that you are growing more confident.
Keep in mind that you are an important person. What you say and do matters. Project yourself with the understanding that you have value.
There’s a saying in business that you should “fake it ‘til you make it.” If you don’t have a lot of confidence now, pretend you do. Pretty soon, you will start having the internal confidence that you are already projecting.
Tip No. 8: Be Positive
Guys like sunny girls. Be positive.
Some women don’t know how to be positive. They are conditioned to see only the cloud and not the silver lining. Many of these women end up alone for much of their lives.
If you are not a positive person naturally, you need to practice positive thinking. Go as far as to write down a positive thought every time a negative thought pops into your head. By doing this, you are taking a decisive action – writing – every time you have a fleeting thought. While this can be time consuming at first, you will soon find that you have a sunnier disposition.
Start a gratefulness journal. Every morning, write down 10 things you are grateful for. Try and come up with two or three new things that you’ve never written down before each day.
Visualize the life that you want and try to bring it into existence. Remember that you create your thoughts, your thoughts create your intentions, and your intention creates your reality.
What does all this have to do with having a good date? A man wants to be with a positive woman. If you are a positive woman, you will attract a better quality man. When you date better quality men, you will be able to find the man of your dreams.
Tip No. 9: Be on Time
Girls seem to have an elaborate rule book which says that it’s okay (or even desirable) to be late to a date. I guess the idea is that you don’t want to appear too eager. In reality, when you are late, you just appear rude. Don’t play games with time, or with any other aspect of your relationship, if you want to land Mr. Right.
Being late to a date demonstrates that you are thinking about yourself and your needs rather than focusing on showing your date a good time.
Some times there are real complications in your life that you can’t control. There might have been a car accident that significantly slowed down traffic or you might have had an emergency at work that couldn’t be avoided. These are unfortunate because they start your dating relationship off poorly. If there really is an unavoidable delay, at least have the courtesy to call the guy and let him know why you are tied up.
Think of an early date as a kind of extended job interview. You wouldn’t be late for something as relatively unimportant as an employment connection. Why would you be late for the interview that could determine the shape of the rest of your life?
Tip No. 10: Accept Compliments
One of the biggest complaints guys have about women is that they can’t accept compliments. A guy will say “your hair looks great,” and the woman will launch into a long story about how her hair dresser cut it wrong, the blow dryer shorted out, and the curls didn’t set right. The poor guy can’t follow you and doesn’t care. Just say “thank you.” Thank you is the only proper reply to a compliment.
When someone compliments you, give them a big smile when saying “thank you.”
Remember, you deserve a compliment as much as anyone else does. Being able to accept a complement is part of the process of becoming more confident.
Also, know that you don’t have to return the compliment. Don’t fish around for something nice to say back unless it comes naturally. You don’t want to appear that you are a fake.
If you have a hard time accepting compliments graciously, try practicing in front of a mirror in private. Your practice will make the real thing seem much easier.
Accepting a complement well is the best way to repay a compliment.
Tip No. 11: Don’t Reveal Too Much Information
If you want to infuse a little bit of mystery into your relationship, keep your lips sealed about yourself. Let him dig for information. It will make you more alluring.
Many women seem to have “verbal diarrhea” and think that every last detail of their lives are interesting to a man who, for all intents and purposes, is a stranger.
By all means, answer his questions. Engage in witty repartee. But don’t tell him the story of how you acquired each of your 12 cats. At best, he doesn’t care. At worse, he’ll run screaming from the table.
Tip No. 12: Ask Him Questions
The opposite end of tip 11 is to draw him out. All people (and we’re including guys here) like to talk about themselves. If you ask questions that keep his personal story going, he’ll fall in love with you.
This doesn’t mean that you have to grill your date for the minute details of his life.
As an analogy, you don’t want to come across as a Bill O’Riley – hammering your interviewee into submission. Rather, emulate Larry King, whose easy going question and answer style has made him a beloved figure for many guests who appear on his show.
What you want to do is give your date an opportunity to talk about himself. Encourage him to tell you stories. He will find you more attractive if you do.
Tip No. 13: Wear Red
Psychologists studying mating behavior among humans have found that women who wear red clothing have a more attentive, generous date. When shown a picture of two women, men almost always said they would spend more money on the one wearing a red dress over the one wearing a blue dress. Experts agree that red signals ovulation and makes a female a more attractive specimen.
There is a lot of anecdotal evidence that red is an aphrodisiac. Men give red roses to a lady they love. They frequent “Red Light Districts” to fulfill their base sexual desires.
Through a series of five psychological experiments, Psychology professor Andrew Elliot and his post-doctoral researcher Daniela Niesta, found that the color red makes men feel more amorous toward women. Further, men are unaware of the role the color plays in their attraction.
Tip No. 14: Don’t Dump Your Girlfriends for Him
Many times, when a woman begins to sense that she is closing in on a guy she likes, she dumps her girlfriends. But, you need your girlfriends in your life.
For one thing, your new boyfriend cannot fill the emotional space that your girlfriends do. If you expect him to be able to emote on that level, it will drive him away.
For another thing, your girlfriends are a valuable part of your life. Your relationship with this guy may or may not work out. But your friends will be there for the long haul.
If your new guy doesn’t like one or more of your girlfriends, you don’t have to mix the two groups. But you don’t want to cut the girls out altogether either.
Tip No. 15: Always Look Great
Many women put a lot of effort into looking good before they’ve reeled in the man. But once they’ve landed him, they start acting like their appearance doesn’t matter any longer. They slack off on the grooming or gain a few pounds.
Don’t fall into this trap. Guys are visual. He depends on your looks much more than you depend on his. Don’t get sloppy just because you have become comfortable around him.
Looking great is a continual process. You will want to watch your weight, work out, dress well, and maintain your grooming.
In addition, you should stay on top of fashion and hairstyle trends.
As you get to know your guy, you will be able to tell what kind of look he likes. This does not mean you have to sacrifice your individuality, but remember that he’s the one you want to please. You are no longer wanting to attract “all guys” just the one guy who counts.
Tip No. 16: Make Him Chase You
Make him chase you. That means that you don’t chase him. You can play little games about whether you pick up the phone when he calls or whether you are available for a Wednesday night date when he calls Tuesday morning according to your conscious, but whatever you do, you are not the one to do the calling.
Guys need to chase you. It is part of the closing for them. Give them the opportunity.
Once you feel that you have “landed” your guy, you can start to call him from time to time or suggest new places to go on dates. When you start to refer to each other as “boyfriend” and “girlfriend,” the chase is largely over.
Still, you may want to consider letting him do most of the pursuing even after you’ve reached a “going steady” state. This is because guys are naturally hunters. They like the chase. Give it to them.
Tip No. 17: Don’t Sleep With Him Until He’s Fallen For You
Part of the chase, of course, leads to your bedroom. While some people say that door should only be crossed after marriage, most relationships involve sex before the alter.
However, this does not mean that you want to tumble into bed after a date early in the relationship. Even if you have no moral compunctions about sleeping with a guy, your relationship will be stronger if you wait a while.
Get to know each other. Build a strong basis for the relationship. Meanwhile, your guy will be on a “chase” to get you into bed. You have leverage in the relationship before you sleep with him.
If you invite a guy into the bedroom before he has fallen heads over heals for you and can’t live with out you, they will dance right out of the bedroom and leave your heart behind. Don’t fall for it. They should make a commitment before you welcome them into your bed.
Tip No. 18: Take Dating Vacations When You Need To
If you find yourself falling into dating ruts, it’s okay to lay off dating for a few months. You’ll find that when you start dating again, you’ll be fresher and you will be able to pick the kind of guys you really want to go out with.
During your dating vacation, you can reconnect with your girlfriends and family. Use this time to work on the aspects of your personality which are getting in the way of your dating success.
Revisit your “ideal guy” description and make the changes that are necessary to bring him into your life.
Then, when you are ready to tackle the dating world again, you will go out there in a stronger position.
Tip No. 19: Have Fun
Dating is about building relationships – possibly lifelong ones. But it’s also supposed to be fun. When it stops being fun, see tip 18.
Tip No. 20: Be Safe
Never let anything compromise your safety. Your first few dates should be in a very public place. On your first date you should meet at the dating venue using separate cars. A friend or family member should know the details of your dates.
As you get to know your new guy, introduce him to your friends and family so they can get to know him too. That will add another level of confidence and safety to the relationship.
And, when you are ready to sleep with him, practice safe sex.
There are all kinds of “rules” for dating which usually are all about playing with his head. If you follow these rules, you’re playing with fire.
The tips I’ve given you in this report are about what works in building long term relationships.
If you are just fooling around with dating, follow whatever rules or tips you want. But, if you’re ready to be serious about finding a long term man, you’ll follow the tips I’ve outlined here.