Mending the Major Causes of Relationship Breakdown
Table of Contents
Mending the Major Causes of Relationship Breakdown.. 1
Table of Contents. 2
The Honeymoon’s Over 4
Too Deep, Too Fast 5
Burn Out 6
Lack of Trust 9
Emotional Blackmail 10
Physical Intimacy. 12
Every relationship begins with a sense of excitement and anticipation. There’s a lot of fun involved and both men and women enjoy discovering little things about their new partner.
Yet there are circumstances that can drive even the best couples apart. No matter how good you think your relationship is, there are some factors that could destroy even the closest partnership.
When this happens most couples go into immediate relationship rescue mode, trying to repair the damage that’s been done. Unfortunately these measures can sometimes cause your partner to retreat even further away from you. Some couples don’t even bother trying to repair the damage, believing the relationship is over.
This report is designed to look closely at some of the major reasons why relationships fail and what you can do to help mend the situation and put your partnership back together again.
There are a myriad of things that could go wrong in any relationship and sometimes they’re out of your control. Of course, sometimes those reasons might be directly related to something you’ve said or done without even knowing you’ve done anything wrong.
Hopefully you’ll be able to put the pieces together again stronger and better than it was before and continue your relationship with a new-found happiness.
Unfortunately there will be some situations where it may be worth reconsidering if your partner is really the right one for you at all.
Every relationship is different, just as every person is unique to themselves. We each have our little individual traits that sometimes other people love or they hate. This is also true of your partner.
There may also be those situations where no matter what you do or say, the relationship is still doomed to fail. In those circumstances, you need to remember that things happen for a reason. A failed relationship is devastating, but when there are reasons beyond your control for the break-down, the best option might just be to move on and learn from past experiences.
It’s time to look at some of the major causes of relationship break-downs – in no particular order – and what you can do to try and mend them.
The Honeymoon’s Over
New relationships can be exhilarating. You’re both feeling the rush of new feelings and enjoying discovering little bits about each other. You can’t keep your hands off each other and it seems there’s never enough time to talk because there’s just so much urgency on the physical side.
The physical and sexual of the relationship seems amazing and you both look forward to the next time you can see each other again.
However, every relationship moves through several stages. The honeymoon inevitably ends and the intense physical attraction and massive rush of adrenaline-fueled infatuation settles down. You’re left with the more comfortable second stage of a relationship.
No matter how well the two of you got along when you first met, when the honeymoon phase ends, you need more than just sexual attraction to hold the relationship together. If the bonds of friendship and trust haven’t formed before this phase ends, you could find your relationship drifting apart through no fault of anybody’s.
While you might initially have been attracted to your partner physically and it may have felt incredibly intense at the time, this is usually not a strong enough emotion to hold a relationship together once those intense feelings fade into a comfortable acceptance.
Mending the Rift
If you know you’re in the honeymoon phase of a relationship and you feel the routine settling down to something more comfortable, it’s time to work on those communication skills.
Building a bond that goes deeper than physical attraction is about mutual trust and respect. Having common goals and interests will also go a long way to forging a strong bond that can stand the test of time.
It’s important to build a solid foundation based on communication so that you’ll have plenty to relate to each other once the initial honeymoon begins to wane.
Of course, while those intense physical feelings are running so strong, remember to enjoy them. Don’t slow things down too soon and get all deep and meaningful. Let the honeymoon phase happen, but keep it in the back of your mind that it’s not always the strongest foundation to base a long-term future.
Too Deep, Too Fast
How many times have you fallen head-first in love with someone only to learn that they’re not quite in the same place emotionally as you are? It’s a common story that can sometimes lead to heartbreak and misery.
You might feel as though you’ve found Prince Charming or Miss Right, but your partner might see things as little differently. Their viewpoint could possibly be more in line with just having some fun. Perhaps they’re just discovering their feelings for you and aren’t quite sure what they all mean yet.
When there’s a distinct difference in the speed you’re both moving things forward, this can sometimes be a source of insecurity for one person, while the other may begin to feel pressured.
Both of these symptoms can be enough to break down a relationship before it’s even begun.
Mending the Rift
It’s important to remember that not everyone will feel the same things at the same time. Expecting your partner to fall in love at precisely the same rate as you is unrealistic.
Far too many promising relationships end because one person is happy to express feelings of love and devotion and even begin planning the wedding, while the other is still trying to make sense of the things he or she is feeling.
This lack of synchronicity usually leads to arguments and feelings of rejection by the person who is feeling more intently at that time. The truth is, you’re not being rejected at all. You’re simply dealing with a person who may have more issues to deal with before allowing feelings of love to come to the surface.
Before you give in to an emotional outburst and demand to know why your partner doesn’t love you yet, give it some more time. Spend time doing fun things together that will allow your partner to appreciate your qualities and you’ll find the feelings will develop more freely when they’re given time and space to do so.
Remember that the happiest relationships involve respect for each other’s feelings and needs.
When relationships begin, they’re fun and exciting. You spend time together doing fun things and when your partner goes home or heads off to work, you get to spend some time on your own reflecting about how much fun you’ve had. You look forward to seeing each other again with a sense of anticipation and excitement.
All healthy relationships go through periods of highs and lows. When things are running high, everyone’s happy. But when things are at a low point, one or both partners may begin to doubt their feelings.
You might start thinking this person might not be right for you because the feelings just aren’t there today. Perhaps your partner seems distant and preoccupied and isn’t showing the same level of interest in you today as in previous days.
Burn out can happen simply because you’re both trying to sustain the high-intensity emotions for far too long. It could also mean you’re spending all your time in each other’s company with no chance to unwind and enjoy that sense of anticipation until you see each other again.
Many people are guilty of this early in a relationship. They forget to socialize with other friends. They give up their usual hobbies and interests so they can spend more time with their new-found love. While it’s fun at first, it can also lead to feeling unfulfilled in other areas of your life.
Just because you’re in a relationship, it’s unrealistic to expect every other area of your life to stop. You also can’t expect your partner to give up friends, hobbies or interests he had before he met you, unless they’re detrimental to the relationship.
Mending the Rift
Nobody can feel ecstatically blissful 100% of the time, 24/7. It’s exhausting. So when those lulls or low-patches happen, don’t take it personally. They’re often a sign that you may need to spend some time doing something fun for yourself and re-energize that independent streak within you.
Not only will it give you and your partner time to miss each other, but you’ll both be doing something you enjoy, which gives you something fun to talk about when you do see each other again.
Trying to beg your partner for an answer about why he or she is being distant today is likely to push them further away instead of bringing them closer. Everyone needs a little time alone to recharge and think, so allow your partner the courtesy of a little time when they need it.
Insecurity can be detrimental to a healthy, loving relationship when it’s expressed in the wrong ways. Most people on the planet have feelings of insecurity and inadequacy about some aspect of their lives, but they often don’t allow it to destroy associations or relationships.
However, some people worry excessively about these things and can put strain on even the best of partnerships.
Insecurities about not being pretty enough or thin enough or good enough for your partner can manifest to your partner in many ways. He might think you’re always begging for a compliment, wanting him to reassure you constantly that he thinks you are pretty or thin or perfect the way you are. Some men consider this a sign of neediness, which can often push them away.
Another damaging aspect of insecurity is believing that your partner must be up to no good when he’s not spending time with you. Your mind paints vivid images about him seeing other women the moment you’re out of his sight because somewhere in there you don’t feel as though you’re good enough for him.
When you confront him about these imagined insecurities, he’s shocked and offended because he thought things were going so well. All he hears is that you’re questioning who he’s with, what he was doing and demanding explanations for things that he hasn’t done wrong.
This form of insecurity can drive even the strongest relationships apart.
Mending the Rift
Most likely your partner would have been attracted to you because you seemed like a fun, happy, independent person. When you begin to change and try to cling to him or her in an effort to make sure they’re not going to leave you, this can often enough to make them feel differently about you.
The number one biggest thing you can do to fix a rift caused by insecurity is to spend some time building your self-esteem on your own. It’s not your partner’s job to make you feel good about the way you look or act or dress. It’s not your partner’s job to make you feel happy.
Those are your responsibilities alone and only you have the right tools to give yourself permission to be happy with who you are.
Your partner chose to be with you because he or she was attracted to you and your personality. When you begin to change and your insecurities come out in destructive ways, you become a different person to the one they fell in love with.
Sometimes when we meet new people, they can seem like the perfect match for the type of partner you’ve been looking for. They’re funny, sweet, sensitive, romantic and caring.
After a few months, little differences start to show you might realize that the partner you found is not the person you thought he was at all.
In most cases, this is simply because everyone is on their best behavior when they meet a new person. They’re showing you all their good traits and pleasant attributes.
However, once people start to get familiar and comfortable with another person, they can lapse into their real personalities. This isn’t always a bad thing. You might find you like each other more once you drop the pretense of always being perfect.
Of course, you could learn that you don’t like the stranger who emerged at all.
Incompatibility doesn’t always mean that you have different goals or hobbies or interests. It could mean you have different objectives in life or different religious beliefs or any number of things.
Being incompatible also doesn’t mean your relationship has to end, but there will be some things that need to be addressed.
Mending the Rift
The level of incompatibility between you and your partner is something only you can know. Some couples agree to be tolerant of the other’s beliefs or goals. Other couples make the change to one or the other person’s way of thinking.
Unfortunately there can be much deeper issues to overcome if your partner doesn’t want any children and you want four, plus a dog. Your partner might be into sexual fantasies that involve rubber chickens and gummy bears – or any other array of props – and you just can’t bring yourself to go there.
Your partner may also have issues with substance abuse, physical abuse or other deeper psychological issues that you don’t want to be a part of. These deeper incompatibility issues can be reason enough to consider looking for a new partner.
Being incompatible on some issues doesn’t mean the relationship needs to end. You may simply need to work on communicating your needs and preferences to your partner. However, when there are deeper issues involved, it may be time to question whether you’re happy to compromise your own values for the sake of a relationship.
Lack of Trust
Love can’t exist without trust. If one person within the relationship constantly feels as though the other is sneaking around or hiding secrets, or perhaps has even been caught being unfaithful, this can damage the trust in a relationship.
Mutual trust can be a strong basis for a healthy relationship. When that trust is breached, not only does one partner feel betrayed, disappointed and cheated, but the other partner can often feel enormous guilt.
These negative emotions can lead to other problems within the relationship, including communication problems and insecurity.
Building and earning another person’s trust and respect takes time, especially after catching your partner out on something major, like an affair or a significant lie. Only you can know whether you’re prepared to forgive a major breach in trust.
If you do decide to work on mending the relationship you should also be prepared not to throw the indiscretion back in the other person’s face at every opportunity. When you’ve told your partner you’re willing to forgive what’s happened, but then immediately make them feel bad for it all over again at every opportunity, you’re holding a grudge, which can break down any work you’ve done towards trying to fix your relationship.
Mending the Rift
If the trust in your relationship has been destroyed, trying to cling to your partner or not let them out of your sight is not going to make things better. You’ll end up smothering the other person and making them feel suffocated. Your own fears about them repeating the problem are creating even less trust, which can spiral into a vicious cycle.
Holding a grudge and reminding your partner about their behavior regularly is also a sign that you’re not willing to forgive and move on. Your partner may begin to feel as though it’s all too hard if you’re not willing to work on more positive ways to get through a bad patch.
Communication and understanding are vital when you’re trying to mend a breach in trust. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt. If he or she is truly sorry for the behavior and seems honestly regretful about it, then there’s a chance that it was a mistake and won’t be repeated.
However, there are some occasions where it may be possible to consider if you want to remain in the relationship at all. Only you can know if you’re willing to forgive a breach of trust.
Many relationships function on a level that isn’t healthy for either partner, yet each person seems willing to hold onto the relationship at all costs. Their love for each other and desire to remain in the relationship is stronger than the problems they’re going through.
This can be most often seen in cases of emotional blackmail. This is where one person behaves inappropriately within the relationship and then blames the other for the behavior. The partner receiving all the blame instantly feels guilty and inadequate and wants to try harder to please.
An example of this kind of behavior could be when a man goes out to pick up a one-night-stand and is caught red-handed. Instead of apologizing to his partner and begging for forgiveness, he’ll immediately blame his partner for not being there for him and so he had to look elsewhere.
This makes the woman feel as though she’s not good enough, or not doing something right, and she tries to make amends by being a better partner, all the time watching her self-esteem drop lower and lower as she believes she’s not good enough to please her man.
This is emotional blackmail and it’s unfair. In this example, the man is refusing to take responsibility for his indiscretion. The woman is accepting the responsibility for the weakness of another person.
There are plenty of other situations where emotional blackmail can exist. Your partner might make you take responsibility for him or her failing to get ahead in a career. You might find that some couples blame each other for being held back financially or for being overweight or for having no friends.
No matter what the issue, emotional blackmail is a major cause of relationship breakdown.
Mending the Rift
If you believe you’re being emotionally blackmailed by your partner, remember that it’s not your job to take responsibility for another person’s actions and choices. Your partner made the choice to act a certain way given a certain situation and nothing forced him into doing it except his or her own mind.
It’s important to talk calmly and rationally about the behavior and find out why your partner believes you’re at fault for his actions. Don’t accept responsibility for his actions.
When both partners in a relationship take responsibility for their own behavior and actions, it’s much easier to build a strong partnership based on trust and respect.
There are couples who remain together out of fear. They fear being alone, they fear what it might mean to lose their loved one. They fear having to survive financially without a partner or they fear leaving because their partner has threatened them in some way.
Fear is simply a sense of dread about the unknown, fuelled by the imagination giving you all sorts of worst-case-scenario images about what might go wrong.
If you’re in your relationship because you’re afraid to be alone, then this should be a signal to you that your relationship isn’t right for you, but you aren’t ready to move on as an independent adult.
However, if your fear is based on a more serious psychological issue, such as physical or emotional abuse, then things are a little different.
There are people who remain in relationships because they fear what their partner would do to them if they left. Their partner may have threatened to commit suicide if they leave, or they may have threatened to hunt them down and hurt them if they leave.
Each of these kinds of threats falls under the Emotional Blackmail category and is damaging the trust, respect and future of the relationship.
Mending the Rift
Understand the reasons why you’re afraid of your partner or fearful of leaving and then look closely at the reasons why you’re staying.
If you truly love that person and you know the relationship is perfect for you, then you will need to sort through your fear and anxiety to uncover the root of the problem.
However, if your partner is abusive or threatening or has anger management issues, ask yourself seriously what kind of person shows love this way. Is this the type of love you want to receive? If you fear someone so much that you’re afraid to leave, then you should question whether love is really a part of your relationship at all.
A strong, healthy relationship involves love, trust and respect for and from each of you. These feelings can only survive when there is no fear of your partner or of what your partner might do.
Communication and honesty about your feelings can be a good step towards mending some of the fear-issues, but only you can know if the relationship is worth saving in these circumstances.
Sexual incompatibility is one of the more common reasons for relationship break ups. When one partner has a higher sex drive than the other, often arguing, tension and dissatisfaction creep into the relationship.
Some women will give in to their man’s desires, even though they have no interest in the act at that time, which can create resentment and make them even less likely to enjoy it.
Some men may try to pressure or persuade a partner to have sex with no regard or thought for what the woman wants. This can make a woman even more resentful and make her less likely to want it.
It’s common to hear men complaining that they ‘don’t get enough’ and they blame their partner for not having as active a libido as they do.
What these complaining men forget is that a woman will happily become physically intimate with her man whenever she possibly can if she feels loved, respected and attractive to him.
Men might complain about women not giving them enough of what they want, but they don’t seem willing to do the exact things that will give them more.
Mending the Rift
Everyone on the planet has a different libido and varying levels of sex drive. You might be having a bad day or feeling unwell. You might have lost some interest in your partner physically for other reasons.
No matter what the problem is, it’s important to discuss your feelings with your partner. Let him or her know why you’re holding back. Suggest solutions that could help you feel more in the mood so your partner knows what you expect.
Communication about physical intimacy is difficult for some people. They expect their partner to know exactly what they like and how they like it. Unfortunately, most people aren’t mind-readers and they don’t know what you’re thinking.
If you want more intimacy, talk about some of the reasons why your partner might not be so interested and then work together to find some ways to bring back that spark.
Resentment can be a major cause of relationship breakdown. When one partner begins to resent something the other has done or caused, the feelings can fester and begin to show up in the relationship in other ways.
There are people who resent their partners for making them settle down to family life before they were ready. Some people feel resentment for feeling as though they’re stuck in a job they hate due to financial pressures.
Some women may resent having to give up lucrative careers for the sake of family life. Others may resent a particular way their partner treats them or acts around other people.
Resentment is a general feeling of blame for another person. It can also be a way for some people to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions and choices.
Unfortunately, resentment is the kind of feeling that can remain for years, causing little niggling arguments, snide comments or hurtful treatment of the people around you.
Mending the Rift
The most important step in healing any feelings of resentment is to accept ownership and responsibility for your own actions and choices. If your partner is the one feeling resentful, then discuss what’s bothering him or her and ask for openness and honesty about those feelings.
Resenting another person for something that’s bothering you is pointless. You’re the person who allowed the situation to progress. You’re also the person who continued with life after the event, without addressing the problem you’re feeling badly about.
These were your choices at that time, however, you can also make the choice to do something more positive about it right now.
If you resent your partner for holding you back or tying you down or otherwise controlling your life-path in some way, ask yourself what you did to protect your own goals and dreams. If you’re currently resentful about not having them, chances are you did nothing about it, so you didn’t take responsibility for your actions.
Resenting your partner is an unhealthy way to run a relationship. Think about some of the things you’re grateful to your partner for and let go of those negative emotions. No matter what you might feel your partner has done or said, always remember that you are responsible for your own choices.
Infidelity, unfaithfulness or cheating can be one of the biggest causes of relationship breakdown.
The object of a loving, committed, monogamous relationship is that you’re supposed to forsake all others in favor of your chosen partner.
When a person in a relationship does decide to go out and ‘have a fling’, the bonds of trust are broken very easily. There may also be a whole range of other emotions that can come to the surface, most of which are very negative and equally damaging to the future of your relationship.
Having an affair is often a person’s way of signaling to their partner that something is wrong in the relationship. Rather than take responsibility for mending the problem, a weaker person will simply go out and find some gratification elsewhere.
Once the innocent partner learns about the indiscretion, any trust that remained in the relationship is instantly gone. The innocent partner may also feel anger and shock and a host of other emotions.
Unfortunately, there are some people who will resort to emotional blackmail in these situations. They’ll immediately blame their partner for them going out and having an affair. They’ll say they aren’t ‘getting enough at home’ and had to go look for it elsewhere. They’ll say it didn’t mean anything and it was just sex, nothing important.
These lame excuses are a follow on from their original display of weak character in having the affair in the first place. They’ve already displayed that they have no strength of character by seeking out a sexual encounter and then they back it up by blaming the person who loves them for their actions.
A lack of responsibility for their own actions, both in having an affair and in blaming someone else for their own actions and choices, is often a sign of insecurity, immaturity and selfishness.
The biggest problem your relationship faces when this situation arises is not dealing with a cheating partner; it’s dealing with the sense of guilt the innocent party suddenly feels.
The person who has been cheated on often goes into a depressive spiral of blame and guilt, believing it was their fault that their partner strayed. They will believe they’re not good enough, too fat, ugly, awful, or any other negative image they can conjure to try and make sense of why their partner would want to go off with someone else.
With both partners in emotional turmoil over an act of infidelity, it’s no wonder so many relationships die a quick death very soon after.
Mending the Rift
It takes a special couple to mend a relationship after one partner has been caught having an affair. Not only is the trust damaged, but both partners also have some serious emotional issues to work through before the mending can begin in earnest.
The guilty partner may often show signs of guilt and remorse for what he or she has done, but there will also be those subtle undertones of other emotions in the background to deal with. These can include fear of their partner leaving, anger at their partner not forgiving them right away and resentment for feeling as though their partner pushed them into cheating in the first place.
The innocent person in the relationship, the one who has been cheated on, has a different set of emotional issues to resolve before the healing can begin. These can include guilt for not being good enough for their partner, anger at being betrayed, hurt from the breach of trust, hostility and resentment for being made to feel inadequate, and fear of losing the partner they once loved so much.
In order to begin healing a relationship that has been torn apart by an act of infidelity, it’s important that communication is open and honest. The person who cheated must accept full responsibility for his or her actions and not try to blame the other person for not being there for them when they needed a quick bit of sex.
Some couples are able to put the pieces of their relationship back together to become stronger than it was before. This can be a long process, but it’s not impossible.
Other couples simply can’t bear the thought of staying with a partner who shows such an obvious lack of respect towards another person.
Only you can know if your relationship is worth saving after one partner has had an affair.
While there might seem like there are so many things that could go wrong in any relationship, it’s wise to remember that there are also many things that can go right.
Not every problem you encounter with your partner will be a reason to break up. In fact, many of those problems could be ideal opportunities to strengthen your bonds and renew your love for each other.
Communication and trust are the keys to a healthy, happy relationship. When you each know what the other person wants and expects, you’re both in a position to work towards what keeps each of you happy.
Never be afraid to speak your feelings in a calm, considerate way with your partner. After all, you’re in this relationship too and you have an equal say in how it’s run and what goes on in it.
Remember to compromise some of the time. You’ll both have times where you want different things, but learning to find a happy medium can often lead to new experiences and pleasures you might otherwise have missed out on.
You deserve to be in a happy, loving relationship with a partner who loves and accepts you for the person you are. read more at love advice