Article 1 In A Series of Articles On “The Nuts and Bolts Of Good Communication”

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“The Nuts and Bolts Of Good Communication”

Everyone knows that good communication skills are necessary for a good relationship. But, few people know what those skills are or how to implement them. This series of articles on “The Nuts and Bolts of Good Communication” seeks to break down communication skills into their component parts and show you just how to use words, gestures, and actions to enhance your relationship with your partner.

First of all, you need to understand that there are verbal and non-verbal aspects to communication. When you are with someone, you speak to them and you make gestures. In addition, your behavior – both at that time and in a larger sphere – adds to your communication.

So, let’s look at the words you use. There are loving and hateful words, as you know. When you tell your partner “I love you,” you are most likely communicating a loving sentiment. When you say “I hate it when you…” this is probably a negative sentiment.

Other comments vary based on the tone and gestures you make. For instance, “come here right now,” could be an angry sentiment or it could be a sexy one based on the tone you use.

Additionally, there are specific behaviors that contribute to the overall communication in a relationship. Men in particular, often communicate their love for their partner in actions rather than in words of endearment. They may see cleaning out the garage as a powerful statement of love.

You have to remember too that if your words don’t match your actions, they are meaningless. The woman who tells her husband that she loves him a dozen times a day but then undercuts him at every opportunity is not communicating that she loves him, no matter what she’s said.

So, this report looks at the nuts and bolts of communication among couples in all of the forms it takes.

Reflective Listening

Reflective Listening is when you let your partner know that you hear what he or she is saying and are considering their point of view with respect. The technique requires you to paraphrase, summarize, or repeat back what he or she has said. You should put it in the tentative tense so that he or she can correct you if you misunderstood them. Refrain from voicing your own ideas or opinions. The goal is to understand them.

There are five different sentence structures for reflective listening.

The first is: So what you are saying is _____. Is that correct? In other words, you would say “So what you are saying is that it is hard for you to drop off the children at pre-school and still get to work on time. Is that correct?”

The second is: I hear you saying that ____. Am I hearing you correctly? In other words you would say “I hear you saying that we don’t go out together enough. Am I hearing you correctly?”

The third is: It sounds like you are feeling/saying ____. In other words, you would say “It sounds like you are feeling neglected.”

The fourth is: I understand you to mean _____. Is that correct? In other words, you would say “I understand you to mean that you would like me to take a bigger role in housekeeping. Is that correct?”

The final one is just to restate your partner’s words. You should always do this in a sincere tone of voice. For instance, you could say “Instead of going to a nice restaurant, you would rather spend the money on a concert.”

Tomorrow’s article will continue with the series of articles on “The Nuts And Bolts of Good Communication.”

Good Communication: Love Advice Review


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