All Work and No Play
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All Work and No Play
Many high school and college girls complain that the boys they know have no time for girls. And it is true that there are serious-minded boys of all ages who are so absorbed in school work, hobbies, or plans for the future that they pay little or no attention to girls. A fellow with his mind on the future, busily weighing the pros and cons of business versus the professions, considering whether college or military training should come first, seemingly cannot further complicate his life with a girl. And before he knows it he has a reputation as a “woman hater.”
There are young men so absorbed in work or study that they can talk about nothing else. Girls complain that such a man is a bore—that he never seems to notice them or their interests, that he’s unwilling to do anything to cultivate a friendship. This kind of self- absorbed boy who is essentially nice often misses out on the friendship of a suitable girl
and then falls prey to an unscrupulous one who plays upon his central interest to make an insincere place for herself in his life.
Some boys and girls who appear to be devoted to an absorbing interest actually are afraid of members of the other sex, and use their interest as an excuse to avoid contact with them. A girl who doesn’t want to be too obvious in her datelessness may feign busyness or an intense interest in music or her family, for instance, to cover up for her lack of boy friends. Similarly, a boy’s interest in planes, electronics, sports, or what-have-you may, in reality, be masking his fear of being unable to win and hold a girl’s attention. Such boys and girls would do well to face up to the truth, and, with the help of a wise counselor or good friend, change their ways to catch up on some wholesome dating fun.
Some young people have intellectual, aesthetic, or spiritual interests during high school which are just enough out of step with the majority of their age and grade so that they don’t find their associates congenial until they get into college or university life. These are the fellows and girls whose abilities seem to overshadow their personalities in their early development. They “come out” as interesting persons as they find themselves, but as teens they are discouraging both to themselves and to those who care about them. The important thing to remember is that social development and maturity cannot be rushed, and that eventually most young people find their proper social niche.
Not Ready to Date?
It’s a good idea to investigate the reason why a particular individual is slow to get started dating. Is he shy and bashful? Then maybe he needs encouragement in getting social experience; maybe he or she needs to be drawn into a group activity as a starter.
Is the person an outsider because of interests and dreams that are not shared by his contemporaries? Then he needs further to develop his unique personality, confident that congenial companions will be available beyond high school or even college.
Some young people have been so hurt in the process of growing up that they may need special help to straighten out. They must be made to realize that they have within them the potentialities of becoming wholesome, happy persons. Special counselors, psychological services, and guidance facilities, can help this kind of unhappy young person; and those who are concerned with his happiness should be carefully guide him in that direction.