3rd Article in the Series On Sparks of Love
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3rd Article in the Series On Sparks of Love on love advice
Sparks of love must continue in a relationship and one way to do that is to be sharing the same goals as your partner.
There may be instant attraction across a crowded room, but a relationship can not exist on initial sizzle alone. Along the way, you have to develop some shared goals.
Both partners need to feel good about where they – and their relationship – is going.
For instance, if one person wants a long term commitment that leads to marriage and the other is looking for a casual arrangement, the relationship is not likely to last.
Similarly, if one partner wants children and the other is allergic to kids, there may be a serious fracture in the marriage.
In order for a relationship to work, there are many compromises that have to be made. But, there are some things for which there are no compromises available. For these kinds of goals, you must be in tandem if you want your relationship to go forward.
It may be that the person you marry is the person you are dating at the time in your life that you are ready to get married. Timing plays an important role in a successful relationship.
You may meet a really great guy or gal when you are 19 and things go along just great. But, at 19, you are focused on school and starting a career and aren’t ready to settle down. By the time you are ready, you’ve moved to different cities and the bond has been broken.
Similarly, you may meet someone right after you have gone through a divorce. But, you are not in an emotional place to let someone new into your life. So, that will be a fish that got away.
Timing is an important component in the kind of men or women you develop strong relationships with.
You don’t have to agree on everything to make your relationship work. But, you do have to have a way to discuss things and resolve differences. If you can handle this in a reasonable way, you can be happy despite your differences.
Consider developing strong relationship communication skills. For instance, employ the tactic of reflective listening. This means that you repeat back what the other person has said and ask if your interpretation is correct. You can also employ empathetic communication where you acknowledge the other person’s point of view and then state your own.
Keep tabs on your tone of voice, the volume, and the speed at which you talk. Think about what messages your face is conveying (ie. Rolled eyes, frowning). Consider moderating your gestures and making them more inclusive. Think about what your body positioning is – are you leaning forward and engaging in the conversation or leaning back and disengaging?
Your communication with your partner doesn’t mean total agreement, but it means finding a way to live with each other’s opinions.
Life is not meant to be spent balancing the checkbook and disciplining the kids. Life is to be enjoyed. You should have fun with your partner.
If love is going to be developed, you must genuinely enjoy spending time with the other person.
Try to keep fun in the relationship even in the most stressful times. When you have the money to be extravagant from time to time, indulge the relationship. And, even when money is tight, you can find ways to have fun on the cheap or even free. Window shopping, after all, doesn’t cost a dime.
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